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Writer's pictureChris Coraggio
Nov 23, 20227 min read

Gratitude: The Wellbeing & Relationships Secret Weapon

It’s the time of year us Americans think of gratitude; but let’s be clear - gratitude is a practice that is best exercised like our bodies - a little bit most days. Gratitude, also like exercising, is not something to only be done when you're "feeling up to it" - the practice of gratitude in itself causes you to feel better, especially when you’re experiencing tough times.


In this post, I hope to share more about the benefits, best practices, and a couple exercises you can do at Thanksgiving and beyond. By the way, if you are not U.S. American, this post is still beneficial!


A Moment to My Predecessors


Thanksgiving is also a dark reminder that the United States was built off the massacre of indigenous

people. Here where I live, the New York City Commission on Human Rights acknowledged that “the land politically designated as New York City to be the homeland of the Lenape (Lenapehoking) who were violently displaced as a result of European settler colonialism over the course of 400 years." I am thankful to be on this land, while acknowledging that taking this land wrought pain, suffering and genocide on a people. On the right is a map of the Lenapehoking former territory.


If you are inclined, no matter where in the world, perhaps understand better who came before on the land you're sitting on. What had to happen in order for you to be living there?


What is gratitude, after all?

According to Robert A. Emmons, gratitude has two main components— “an affirmation of goodness” and that the “sources of this goodness are outside of ourselves”. <Pictured on the right: I chose to honor Buddha because I really am grateful for what I learned, and the good he has created, even if I am not a practicing Buddhist. >


From Imed Bouchrika, Phd, Chief Data Scientist at research.com, also citing other sources: “it has been scientifically recognized as a source of human strength (Emmons & Crumpler, 2000). However, despite its acknowledged importance in the religious, philosophical, and scientific realm, gratitude remains as ‘one of the most neglected and underestimated virtues’ and among the most underutilized attitudes to the point where it is ignored altogether (Emmons & McCullough, 2004).”

Gratitude plays an important role in social bonding as well, and in another study, the brain produces dopamine in response to receiving rewards, which can be associated with the state of being grateful.


The Research


Here’s a summary of benefits from multiple studies:

  • Optimism & Wellbeing: When compared with the study groups that wrote about their issues, or even their experiences neutrally, the group that wrote about gratitude “were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation”

  • Happiness: In another study, in comparison to positive psychology interventions, writing and personally delivering a letter of gratitude more likely resulted in “a huge increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other intervention, with benefits lasting for a month.” This included “unshackling us from toxic emotions.”

  • Resilience: In another study of college students in Malaysia, “gratitude has a high positive relationship with resilience and academic performance.”

  • Hormones: At the chemical level, gratitude "It's associated with greater happiness, dopamine, serotonin, decreases stress hormones, fosters strong relationships, and helps you better deal with adversity."



Recommendations for Gratitude


Gratitude Lite

If you are new to gratitude, or having a hard time thinking about what you are grateful for, think “Gratitude Lite”:

  • How to think Gratitude: From NPR, Christina Costa, a psychology teacher at the University of Michigan, says “I always say start really, really small. I am so grateful for the sun today.”

  • So think small, and think here and now: Time for yourself to read? Your pet? Your morning coffee? Someone holding the door for you? Try to think of 3 small things.

  • Mindset: If this is a new practice for you, think about this first time as a new pathway being created in your brain for gratitude - like cutting through brush through the woods. Eventually if you keep walking this path, you’ll make a new trail that’s easier to follow.

  • Benefits: Reflect on your mood after - did it give you a boost? Did it change your thinking? Remember this benefit compounds and gets better over time.

  • Regular Practice: I encourage you to write it down. The writing becomes cumulative, and likely you will see both all the great things in your life and your growth over time.

  • Sharing: The biggest benefit is when you share your gratitude to someone else. From NPR: “I always like to have people start out with this - a big, huge boost in gratitude effects is writing a gratitude letter. So thinking of someone - can be the past year, could be the past ten years of your life - somebody that you have not had the chance to thank. Just think why are you grateful for that person, maybe a specific instance that they helped you, and either send them a letter, send them an email, or even better, deliver it in person and read it to them. That sort of shows the most significant effect.”

Gratitude Deluxe:

Gratitude deluxe just means you are already in the practice of regular gratitude, whether in a morning meditation or a journal most nights.

  • Thinking deeper about gratitude: Think of self, loved ones, and community. Keep your awareness wider than what’s right in front of you.

    • Think about the privileges you have in life, and how many other people in your community or around the world absolutely do not have what you have.

  • Share your gratitude regularly: With family, friends, coworkers and your community members, share your gratitude authentically and freely.

  • Helping Others: Make sure you are paying your gratitude forward by helping others, and create that virtuous cycle of good karma.

Thanksgiving: 3 Gratitude Exercise Options

No matter where you are in life and whether you have much to be grateful for, or what crowd you’re with on Thanksgiving, I’m sure there is some form of gratitude that can feel meaningful for you and your friends/family.

Exercise 1: Levels of Gratefulness

For this exercise, it’s more of a personal reflection that you should write down on paper. The group can also share in pairs or groups if it wants.

  • Past: What’s something you take for granted now, but that was created or fought for in the past? Your rights, modern conveniences, your ancestors?

  • What’s something you’re grateful for about:

    • Yourself?

    • Your Loved Ones? (Pick 1 family member and friend)

    • Your Community?

    • Your Universe? (Mother Nature, your god, the stars, etc.)

  • Think about an individual or group of people, near or far, who are less fortunate than you. Take time to wish them good fortune, health, and prosperity. Perhaps think about how you might be helpful to them - a small donation instead of an Amazon Black Friday deal perhaps.

I did this first one at a Friendsgiving last weekend (pictured below), and while they of course will give

me positive feedback, my friend Elise shared, "I liked that the exercise made space for thinking about gratitude in a really simple but structured way instead of the typical 'say the first thing that comes to mind' approach".


And from Jenny, "It sent an intimate tone that enabled unique presence. To me, it felt like an unfolding of what had brought us each somehow to the present moment together. This feeling is...truly knowing you have a lot to be grateful for and an abundance to work from."


Exercise 2: Gratefulness for someone in the room.


This is a bit more personal in that you will share this directly with someone you are with. It takes some vulnerability on both your parts to deliver and receive gratitude, but it is a special moment.

  • Format 1: “If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t have..." (in other words, why are they essential to your life?)

  • Format 2: "I am grateful to you because you…" (insert way they really do make your life better)

For friends/family and appreciate humor, you can include a good-hearted joke. Not a passive aggressive or sarcastic joke! These can be about specific moments from your past that were important to who you are today. I shared with my good friend and colleague Ankit jokingly that his half-asleep minor tirade about me "not wanting my new business badly enough" really hit home and lit a fire under me.


Exercise 3: A Gratitude Note to Someone Estranged

This idea was suggested by the NPR podcast episode. Imagine getting a note of gratitude from

someone you totally did not expect! I would LOVE if one of my students sent me something this weekend (hint hint former students...!). Find someone not in your close circle and with whom you've mostly lost contact. A teacher, a former close friend, coworker, etc. - and remind them of why you were grateful for them in the past, and how that has impacted you now in the present.


<Pictured on the right: I saw this banner outside the Korean Contemporary History Museum, and myself felt proud to be from a country that supported South Korea in a way that their people are still grateful. >


Gratitude in the Workplace


Absolutely do this with colleagues as well, perhaps before the Holiday break. Have a pulse on the organizational culture and your colleagues’ preferences, because not everyone knows how to receive a genuine gratitude note. But regardless, people want to feel seen and valued, both for the relationships you have and for the work they do.


I hope this post was helpful and that you choose to implement some sort of gratitude practice, for yourself and for others. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving even if you do not celebrate, and I wish you and your loved ones abundance, love and rest.


For Learning and With Love,


Chris




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